Saturday, August 7, 2010

"Ghost Adventures"- The Funniest Hour on Television

I don't know if you've ever heard of the Travel Channel's "Ghost Adventures"...but I would highly recommend it.  The guy who hosts this show is...well, I suppose 'absurd' is a good way to describe it. Ghost Huntin' with his two good buddies and his acid-washed jeans.

Livin' the dream.

Since being home for the summer, I've caught a few episodes with my mother, and last night after watching The Professional (it had been a year for me...too long really) we realized it was on and needed a laugh following the bloodshed of the film.

Our boys in black didn't let us down.

Perhaps it is my mother and I's commentary that provides the real humor, but I'm sure if you found the time to watch it you'd be providing your own in mere seconds.  From the first time they jump yelling "Holyshitdidyouseethat!" at absolutely nothing, or when they stop dead in the middle of speaking to glace to the right and say " [Voiceover] behind me you can clearly see an energy orb moving past my shoulder, just at the moment I felt his cool touch on my neck.", you'll get the gist of what the show is like.

Now, I admit, I made up that last quote...but not these:

"I'm using provocation...I'm provoking."

"I want you to do something...LISTEN TO ME TALKING!"

"Unexplained Energy Orb"

"There are two types of spirits. Intelligent spirits and unintelligent spirits. And it's the intelligent spirits that answer your call."

(On the subject of the ghost of a slave-trading bounty hunter)"Well I hate slavery, i think that was one of America's biggest I'm gonna go over there and have a talk with this bounty hunter."

"When darkness arrives, it seems like they're coming out of their cells to play with us...and I'm ready to play."

"There was an inmate that was gang-raped to death."

And my favorite back-and-forth of the two episodes we watched:

-Nick: "Its icy cold right here...that means it could be an energy source of some kind."
-Zak: "Or a door way!"
-Nick: "...or a portal..."

And don't think that the hilarity I find in this show spawns from bias. Frankly, I believe in ghosts.  I'm in theatre, for God sakes. And some of these ghost shows are interesting and well-done.

This one is not, and believe me, it is for your benefit.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

There's Something Wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland

This past weekend my family went on a short vacation to Annapolis.  Before heading home we took a side trip to other side of the bay to visit this great town my mom had heard about: St. Michaels.  Now, I don't know if any of my readers have ever been there, or perhaps are even from there, but either way I still feel compelled to share with you the only thought I had while inside that city's limits:

Something isn't quite right here...

I have a few examples of what I meant, a few events that transpired that ultimately resulted in my parents and I saying: "I'm not sure why...but we've gotta get the fuck outta here."

Event Number One:
Within minutes of arriving we started to move toward this museum store where were hoping to find a map of the town.  Before we got there, however, we witnessed a man, in broad daylight, urinating on the side of someone's house.  He then proceeded to move (un-impaired, mind you) to a boat where his friends were...and got on, departing shortly there after.  The strangest part was that we were not the only witnesses...and the man knew we saw him. He made no excuses, paid us no mind. He just...did it.

Event Number Two: 
There are exactly two public bathrooms in the town of St. Michaels, Maryland: One for men, and one for women. they are located behind a small restaurant called 'The Bleachers'.    I can't speak for the ladies room, but the men's room had one urinal and one toilet. Inside the stall...the toilet paper was padlocked to it's dispenser.

There's something wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Event Number Three:
There appeared to be some sort of Razor Scooter Gang in the town.  I say this because they were dressed similar, circled their scooters in unison like a swarm of vultures around a rotting corpse, and one of them scooted over to a shiny black Escalade, which stopped in the middle of a side street.  There was an exchange of some kind, before both parties went their separate ways.

Event Number Four:
We came upon a small sign above a box.  the sign read: "Dispose of Passports Here."

There's something is wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Event Number Five:
After walking around for about twenty minutes, my mother and I discovered some strange bites on our legs. I felt nor saw any mosquitoes, and the bites appeared to be those of a spider...but we felt none, nor were we anywhere near any tall grass or weeds.

Event Number Six:
After getting some ice cream, the three of us sat on a bench. At exactly six o'clock (I know because I had just checked the time on my phone) a woman came out of the store we sat in front of and told us that she needed the bench because they were closing, and if she did not take the bench would be gone in the morning. Looking around, we noticed many shops were doing similar things, all taking in objects from in front of their stores...all exactly at six.

Suddenly I felt like Will Smith in I Am Legend

There's something wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Additionally, my father informed me that the FAA has placed a one-mile No-Fly-Zone above St. Michaels. Why?  Dick Cheney lives there.

We left quickly...never to return. However there were two bright spots of our short time in St. Michaels: the shotglass I picked up (# 138 in my collection) will always have a good story behind it.

The other thing?  this poster:

The only strange part about this?  A few stores down someone else had stolen the idea, chicken-scratching the exact same rules onto their window.

There's something wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.