"Ghost Adventures"- The Funniest Hour on Television

I don't know if you've ever heard of the Travel Channel's "Ghost Adventures"...but I would highly recommend it.  The guy who hosts this show is...well, I suppose 'absurd' is a good way to describe it. Ghost Huntin' with his two good buddies and his acid-washed jeans.

Livin' the dream.

Since being home for the summer, I've caught a few episodes with my mother, and last night after watching The Professional (it had been a year for me...too long really) we realized it was on and needed a laugh following the bloodshed of the film.

Our boys in black didn't let us down.

Perhaps it is my mother and I's commentary that provides the real humor, but I'm sure if you found the time to watch it you'd be providing your own in mere seconds.  From the first time they jump yelling "Holyshitdidyouseethat!" at absolutely nothing, or when they stop dead in the middle of speaking to glace to the right and say "Oh...my...god... [Voiceover] behind me you can clearly see an energy orb moving past my shoulder, just at the moment I felt his cool touch on my neck.", you'll get the gist of what the show is like.

Now, I admit, I made up that last quote...but not these:

"I'm using provocation...I'm provoking."

"I want you to do something...LISTEN TO ME TALKING!"

"Unexplained Energy Orb"

"There are two types of spirits. Intelligent spirits and unintelligent spirits. And it's the intelligent spirits that answer your call."

(On the subject of the ghost of a slave-trading bounty hunter)"Well I hate slavery, i think that was one of America's biggest sins...so I'm gonna go over there and have a talk with this bounty hunter."

"When darkness arrives, it seems like they're coming out of their cells to play with us...and I'm ready to play."

"There was an inmate that was gang-raped to death."

And my favorite back-and-forth of the two episodes we watched:

-Nick: "Its icy cold right here...that means it could be an energy source of some kind."
-Zak: "Or a door way!"
-Nick: "...or a portal..."

And don't think that the hilarity I find in this show spawns from bias. Frankly, I believe in ghosts.  I'm in theatre, for God sakes. And some of these ghost shows are interesting and well-done.

This one is not, and believe me, it is for your benefit.

There's Something Wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland

This past weekend my family went on a short vacation to Annapolis.  Before heading home we took a side trip to other side of the bay to visit this great town my mom had heard about: St. Michaels.  Now, I don't know if any of my readers have ever been there, or perhaps are even from there, but either way I still feel compelled to share with you the only thought I had while inside that city's limits:

Something isn't quite right here...

I have a few examples of what I meant, a few events that transpired that ultimately resulted in my parents and I saying: "I'm not sure why...but we've gotta get the fuck outta here."

Event Number One:
Within minutes of arriving we started to move toward this museum store where were hoping to find a map of the town.  Before we got there, however, we witnessed a man, in broad daylight, urinating on the side of someone's house.  He then proceeded to move (un-impaired, mind you) to a boat where his friends were...and got on, departing shortly there after.  The strangest part was that we were not the only witnesses...and the man knew we saw him. He made no excuses, paid us no mind. He just...did it.

Event Number Two: 
There are exactly two public bathrooms in the town of St. Michaels, Maryland: One for men, and one for women. they are located behind a small restaurant called 'The Bleachers'.    I can't speak for the ladies room, but the men's room had one urinal and one toilet. Inside the stall...the toilet paper was padlocked to it's dispenser.

There's something wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Event Number Three:
There appeared to be some sort of Razor Scooter Gang in the town.  I say this because they were dressed similar, circled their scooters in unison like a swarm of vultures around a rotting corpse, and one of them scooted over to a shiny black Escalade, which stopped in the middle of a side street.  There was an exchange of some kind, before both parties went their separate ways.

Event Number Four:
We came upon a small sign above a box.  the sign read: "Dispose of Passports Here."

There's something is wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.


Event Number Five:
After walking around for about twenty minutes, my mother and I discovered some strange bites on our legs. I felt nor saw any mosquitoes, and the bites appeared to be those of a spider...but we felt none, nor were we anywhere near any tall grass or weeds.


Event Number Six:
After getting some ice cream, the three of us sat on a bench. At exactly six o'clock (I know because I had just checked the time on my phone) a woman came out of the store we sat in front of and told us that she needed the bench because they were closing, and if she did not take the bench in...it would be gone in the morning. Looking around, we noticed many shops were doing similar things, all taking in objects from in front of their stores...all exactly at six.

Suddenly I felt like Will Smith in I Am Legend

There's something wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Additionally, my father informed me that the FAA has placed a one-mile No-Fly-Zone above St. Michaels. Why?  Dick Cheney lives there.

We left quickly...never to return. However there were two bright spots of our short time in St. Michaels: the shotglass I picked up (# 138 in my collection) will always have a good story behind it.

The other thing?  this poster:

The only strange part about this?  A few stores down someone else had stolen the idea, chicken-scratching the exact same rules onto their window.

There's something wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Skunk War: Day 22--"It's Over"

At least, we believe it to be over.

A quick recap of Night 19 and  Days 20 and 21:

Night 19:
That night we had one trap from Critter Control, and our own Havaheart Trap. Both were put out and baited, the CC trap being placed at the 'Blind Trap' spot, directing in front of the hole out of the enclosure.

Day 20-Thursday
The lone son of the original skunk (Mama Skunk) wasn't going down without a fight. I guess it runs in the family.  The next morning we found that our trap had been robbed of it's bait...but had not been set off. This was inconceivable...however, I quickly deduced what had happened.


Since it had proven effective, I left that trap in the exact same spot it was when it caught the first skunk the night before, however, I had not filled in the hole made by the skunk trying to escape.  The final skunk had used those holes to get under the trap, and take the bait out through the bottom of the cage.


Slippery bastard.

That night it was re-baited and we tried again, but with only our cage. Critter Control said they needed their cage elsewhere, and since we had one that had caught one before...they decided we could be the sacrifice.

He came out later than the normal 9-9:15 range, something totally understandable for a young skunk that is now on his own. However, he was frightened by the lights we used  to check on what he was doing, and he retreated back into the hole. So we decided to leave it alone until around mindnight.

It was around that time that we came out to check, and noticed the bait had been taken yet again.  The skunk had dug underneath to get the bait.

Un-be-lievable.

I carefully took the trap out of the enclosure, re-baited it with a large chunk of meatloaf that was sitting inside a small dish (so it could NOT be pulled through the holes of the cage), and relocated it a bit closer to the burrow, where we believed the skunk to be.

Day 21-Friday
The Next morning the was no change to our trap.  It was still set, bait and all.

That night, we moved the cage into the 'blind trap' position at the hole in the fence, this time with a board underneath it. (Clever, eh?)

And, around midnight on Saturday morning, when we went out to check the cage...there he was. The final little soldier had been captured. The war was over...and we had won.

Day 22-Today

Critter Control did not arrive first thing in the morning, however.  In fact, they still had not arrived by 11 o'clock.  We thought it cruel to make the skunk spend his last few hours of life cooking in the hot sun, so my dad briefly made an effort to put up an umbrella nearby.

However, as my dad approached...the tail went up.

No shade for the skunk.

Luckily the CC man (not John, John would have been on time) came not-too-long after that.

Within a few minutes the skunk was on board the truck...and the truck drove off with the last of our determined enemies.

22 Days, 7 skunks, 6 cages, and 3 Critter Control Vists later...the war has finally come to a close.

However, the trap is still set tonight...just to be safe.

Skunk War: Day 19- "And Then There Was One"

...we think.

All four cages, the three by Critter Control and the one we bought, all had skunks in them by the end of the night last night...one of which, housing two of the little furry friends.

John from CC told us that we have set his new record for skunks picked up at one location with five (beating the previous, surprisingly low record of two). Here are the best looks I could get at the cages:

 (There are two in there!)

 (That one hugged the door the entire time I saw him)




It took John over 45 minutes to transfer all of the skunks into the Transfer Cage on his truck, a process in which four of the skunks shot off some spray at multiple points, leaving our yard, clothes, and garage with quite a potent smell.

 Unfortunately, I did discover that my ultimate fear of calling Critter Control was correct; As it is illegal to move skunks in Pennsylvania, all of skunks (including Mama Skunk yesterday) had to be put to sleep. If only they didn't have that damn spray (and didn't eat flowers) they could have stayed under the shed for all I cared, but as it was, they all had to go. At least they're back with Mama now.

On the other hand, I was wrong about another major aspect of the War...the total number of skunks.  Very early this morning my dad witnessed one skunk still meandering about the yard while all of the cages were full of his siblings, which means we had at least SEVEN skunks under our shed. John left one trap, and we will put that out with our Havaheart Trap tonight, in an effort to grab, what we think is the final skunk. Our success rate has been pretty good since John got involved, so we have high hopes that tonight will be the final night of the battle. The final night of sitting in the dark with flashlights and binoculars. 

Although, I have to say...part of me hopes there are another cluster of skunks down there.

Skunk War: Day 18- The Mighty Have Fallen

Say hello to my little friend...

That...would be Mama Skunk.  She trapped herself in 'the blind trap' around 9:10pm last night. As it turned out  I lied about staying on the deck.  Myself and my dad went around the other side of the yard (careful to stay outside of that 15-foot radius) and examined the situation. for a long while the babies surrounded the cage and they all tried feverishly to free Mama (leaving quite the hole in the ground, I might add).

The trap behind the shed also caught something...a cat. This was not the goal. Damn cats.

Well...One down, five to go. John from Critter Control took Mama away and we're hoping that, in their confusion, all the babies will stick together and can be caught tonight.  The traps are all reset and back in their old positions, ready for another battle.  It would seem, my friends, that the end of The Skunk War is in sight.

Skunk War: Day 17 - Waving The White Flag

Six.

There are six skunks living under our shed.  We took a few nights off from observation due to hectic morning schedules (should we catch something, of course) but when I returned to the field Saturday night...I got quite a surprise.  Sitting alone in my club house I watched them all parade around the enclosure. It was at that time I decided I was out numbered and I shot the Maglite their way and shouted "Alright...everyone back in the cave!" I'm serious, that's what i shouted. They obeyed, then I sprinted for the deck.  A few minutes later, I watched as they marched off, in two different directions, in groups of three.

Out numbered, we decided to pull The French Tactic and call in the bigger guns.

 Our good friends at Critter Control arrived at 4pm today and set up three traps. One directly against the hole in the fence (the "blind trap", as John from CC called it), one in the enclosure in front of the burrow, and one behind the shed.  The only thing left to do is wait.

Tonight we'll observe only from the deck, and without flashlights.  Our friend John believes we will catch at least three of them tonight, but hopefully they'll be sticking together and get them all.  He used big traps, so they will be able to get their tails up to spray if they need to. But, as John put it: "That makes this that much more exciting." You have to appreciate it when you meet someone who loves their job.

So, in the words of Dexter Morgan...

"Tonight's The Night."

Inception: A Perfect Film

Christopher Nolan, I have a question: As a writer, how can I ever be expected to attempt this art again after seeing your newest film?  How could I even conceive something in the general neighborhood of originality after what you graced the screen with early this morning?

(Before we move on, for those of you interested in The Great Skunk War, the next battle will take place either Sunday or Monday night)

Now then, let us discuss what some of my most trusted 'movie buddies' have already called The Greatest Movie They Have Ever Seen.

I had high hopes for this movie going in.  I love heist movies, I love movies about teams (often one and the same), I love Christopher Nolan, I love Hans Zimmer, and I really love Leo DiCaprio.

Well, let me start with a few bold statements to get everyone's attention.  Inception will win the oscars for every visual effects category, at least one sound category, best Original Screenplay (Christopher Nolan), most likely Best Actor (Leonardo DiCaprio), probably Best Director (Christopher Nolan), and has a very good chance at Best Picture. In terms of nominations, however, I will start off by saying it will lead all other films in terms of total nominations. Marion Cotillard will probably be nominated for Best Actress, Ellen Page will be nominated for Best Supporting Actress, and as of right now, i think she should win. And it goes without saying that Hans Zimmer will be nominated for Best Score.  The only tricky category is Best Supporting Actor. I say this because Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tom Hardy and Cillian Murphy should all be nominated, and would all deserve it. And finally, I guarantee Inception will win the SAG Award for Best Ensemble Cast. 


Yes, it was that good. 

Word has it that Nolan spent ten years writing the screenplay for Inception. I'm not surprised.  I think anyone would be hard-pressed to think of the concepts used in the film in that amount of time. If there is one thing I have an appreciation for, it is a good story. In terms of film, Inception is the most original and gripping story I have ever been told. Not only that, the story is more or less seamless. In the last year or so, I've grown to be quite nit-picky about faults such as plot holes, bad cuts and poor dialogue.  I found no such problems during my first viewing of Inception. I say first, because at least one more will follow before it leaves theatres...it has to.

Nolan took humanity's age-old fascination with dreams and managed to create a completely unique labyrinth of a story, which sucks you in from the first frame and spits you out at the credits, totally satisfied. But that is just the actual event of the film. You will be discussing it, thinking about it, and re-thinking your life philosophies for at least the rest of the night...a night which, by the way, you will pray you do not dream.

Generally speaking, I find that movie reviewers tend to tell to much of the plot when attempting to provide a brief synopsis of the film. For this reason I try to keep my summarizing to an absolute minimum, and in this case, the following sentence:

Inception is about dreams, dreams within dreams, and the dreamers who dare to dream the dreams within their dreams.

I refuse to tell you any more plot details. At this point, i feel you should be adequately intrigued to go out and treat yourself to this glorious film.  Although I'd consider Inception almost spoiler-proof, I don't want to take that chance. Everyone deserves to be wowed by this piece of cinema. I owe it Christopher Nolan, his brilliant cast, and awe-inspiring writing to tell you to stop reading, get in your car, and go see this film.

Now.